For those of you who are new readers, this is a continuation of the journal entries of a courageous and inspiring woman named Eva. She has overcome tremendous odds, lived/traveled all over the world and is currently battling Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Continue reading about her journey through her first days as a cancer patient… Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Well today is the day my hair comes off. It’s not coming out much, only a few strands. It probably would hold out another week or so but that’s it. I’m not holding on to a lost cause. I don’t have enough hair in the first place to afford it thinning out in the first place! This is my dedication to this process. There is no going back now. My throat is a bit sore this morning too, just a tickle. My tongue is sensitive and my nose is sort of running. I’m certainly feeling a bit off. It’s 6.30am and I sit on my bed with my feet flat on the floor, the laptop on the bed-table. It is here I am reminded of the way I’ve sat in bed ever since I first got this computer. With it resting on my lap with the screen open at my diaphragm and chest. Could this be a contributing factor? I sure have spent many, many hours like this.
The thing that has got me through this hospital experience with a smile on my face is the internet. I have talked for people for hours and hours and hours. Everybody knows and I mean everybody – this is a big factor in this experience, just how public it goes. Because it’s all going to happen. I will become the most kick arse motivational speaker through this. I will come out of the experience with a sense of who I am as never before. I’m coming out of this with no fear. I’m coming out of this. I’m coming out of this on top and I am excited.
This must sound strange but I am serious. This entire experience is one to do with absolute consciousness, with absolute clarity of my intention and absolute dedication to the process. For so many years now I have floated, unsure of where to hang my hat, unsure of which direction to place my foot. This gives me something to which to become passionate about one more. I will throw myself into whatever that comes in the next months with aplomb, the grandest of aplomb. I will get through. 2.45pm There it is! I now have the shortest hair I have ever had. It was just a matter of process and was so final and inevitable. I’m into it now…x Now I’m ringing true with the idea that hair holds energy. I am feeling remarkably light and clear right now. It’s about 7 hours since it came off and I feel very different indeed. Without attachment. Thursday, April 23, 2009 Went to the Cancer Centre today and saw somebody called S. He is connected in some way to a guy who got himself through cancer with meditation and the like. No drugs.
During the course of our conversation he let us know of the 8 day course he holds for cancer patients and survivors. This course concentrates on practise of meditation and the change of life and diet that is required for cure of the cancer. When I mentioned my intention to do Vipassana he coughed involuntarily and quite violently. When I asked him of his opinion he underlined that it is easy to go overboard with practises after the diagnosis. This rang true for me. He said to go gently, to introduce myself to things at a sedate pace. This is something to hearken to. I have tended to jump into everything at lightening speed so far. I’ve wanted to create a difference and make change as soon and as solidly as possible. To this end, his opinion of the newspaper situation also fell on appreciating ears and he advised me.
It is not something to be taken lightly, this experience. This is a deeply personal journey. I will not do the newspaper. This experience is riding a rollercoaster of emotions, possibilities and questions I would never have imagined. My heightened state of consciousness is one I am not sure of the reality of. When I come off the Dex (steroids) will I fall??? People still come and I still love seeing them. Ah, the future is a marvellous thing. Keep checking back here each week for new entries from Eva…