For those of you who are new readers, this is a continuation of the journal entries of a courageous and inspiring woman named Eva. She has overcome enormous odds, lived/traveled all over the world and is currently battling Hodgkins Lymphoma. Continue reading about her experiences from her first days with cancer…
Friday, April 17, 2009 I had woken when they brought the breakfast tray in about 7.30 but lay in a bit of a stupor for a while. Thank god the Oncologist came in today and said they were decreasing those Dexie drugs yet more. This is why I am not sleeping. I know that taking sleeping tablets will not assist in this in any case. He said ‘We’ll get this thing’ as he left. Dad came in with the first doses of the complimentary medicines the Compounding Naturopath has issued for me. All the liquid compounds be combined into one 1½ litres of water to be drunk throughout the day.
There was also a mega vitamin C dose to be drunk two times in the day and a Chinese tea that is a stand-alone treatment over there to be drunk at mid morning and afternoon. Other than this I am keeping up with the juices Dad makes me every morning and eating all of the meals they bring. Dad left and I cried. Held the cat toy I had been given as a gift and cried. Staying at home alone with looking at my belly button and what lies within is not an attractive idea. I like the separation from 'reality' the noisy nurses station outside my door and the intermittent vacuum cleaning lends to the atmosphere. The clean and clear room with a bright window, none of my regular attachments and the ability to be free-form lends a sense of stoicism and ability to ride this first wave. It is difficult to fully inhabit this experience. I am afraid I am throwing up barriers, invisible, almost insubstantial ones but obstacles to the freedom of my feelings nonetheless.
Sunday, April 19 April 2009 The hospital doctor just came in then and lifted the hugest weight off my shoulders then. I was diligently brushing my teeth and practising my oral health care when she came in on her rounds just to see how I was doing. During the course of our conversation she rectified something I had mixed up in my haze of steroids in the first day at hospital. She said that Hodgkins is actually THE most curable form of cancer. That there is a 95% rate of recovery. I am getting through this. There is no fear. I posted a note to my Facebook profile so all 300 of my friends (I actually talk to them all and delete anyone I don’t) could read about my newly found out news. This was the first time most of them had found out what I am going through.
This is the part of the mail I haven’t written about in my blog as yet; “I am also going to take part in Vipassana finally. I am going to do those truly belly button searching therapies I have avoided for all these years. I am clearing up this shit I have been continually been warned about and that has been karmically pointed out to me over all these years. The 'stuff' I have avoided. The real deal that has to be heeded. I'll still be bald though so you can all have a rub of my naked nut. Why not? It truly is all good.”
Tuesday, April 21, 2009 Litany of what I ate today; Dad came early and I drank my juice. This morning I ate my porridge, 2 toasts, apple juice. I actually went out for lunch with Lorena today. Drank 3 glasses of Alicante Bouche. Ate like a trojan horse. Cajun fish, fries and salad, another big bowl of fries, came back here and ate some more. Drank my cold soup. Ate my salad. A chocolate frog. 2 massive bananas. I'm freaking out. The nurse just came n then and told me that it's actually the roids doing it… so relieved! Drank more soup, ate 2 salad sandwiches, rox came and I ate her pasta with her, ate another chocolate frog, drank my fibre drink, I’ll drink the juice again before sleep tonight. (Had milk and honey too and actually slept 5 hours or so.) Sobering shower just then. I washed my hair and as I did noticed strands of hair in my fingertips. And so… it has begun.
This is what was written to me during a chat with a friend – “its gonna send fear out of you and you can share that and live your life to its ultimate fullest now” Keep checking back here each week for new entries from Eva…